RECENT REVIEWS:
Almost daily, Poffy adds movies - old and new - to his
vault of filmic fortitude.
Visit regularly for healthy teeth and toes.
Click to see a list of upcoming reviews, old and new releases...
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REAL STEEL
 
Release: Oct 11 - Review: 6 May 12
Steel with Real Feel.
It may not be the Oscar-muncher of the year, but it's definitely the most fun. And is it coincidence or mild irony that Wolverine is the star of a movie called REAL STEEL?
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THE DEVIL'S DOUBLE
Release: Aug 11 - Review: 21 Mar 12
Bismillah! Noooo! We will not let you go!
In a star-making turn, Cooper plays Saddam Hussein's son, Uday, and the body-double that Uday blackmails into his service, Latif Yahia. And they BOTH look like Freddie Mercury!
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HORRIBLE BOSSES
 
Release: Jul 11 - Review: 10 Feb 12
Hitchcock... Hitch-Not.
In this attempt at black comedy, Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis and Charlie Day are three wimpy friends who have had enough of their horrible bosses and wish they had the balls to kill them.
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BIUTIFUL
Release: Oct 10 - Review: 6 Feb 12
Melancholia all over ya.
Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's gritty film about a small time Spanish thief from the slums of Barcelona, who discovers he has cancer and must try to provide for his two young children before his death will take you to another level of wrist-slash.
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BURIED
Release: Sep 10 - Review: 31 Jan 12
Grave Trouble.
One actor, one location, one goal: get me the hell outa here!
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BRIDESMAIDS
Release:
May 11 - Review: 21 Jan 11
Marriage of heaven and hell.
BRIDESMAIDS was advertised as being a Chick Flick version of SUPERBAD. Nope. It's just super bad.
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RED RIDING HOOD
Release: Mar 11 - Review: 10 Jan 12
Lycan-nope.
...Fear has been leached in favor of the love triangle between three teens. One look at the director of this piece and it all makes sense: Catherine Hardwicke, TWILIGHT. All the better to Chick-Flick you, my dear.
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DYLAN DOG: DEAD OF NIGHT
Release: Apr 11 - Review: 2 Jan 11
Doggy doo.
...Routh is the eponymous paranormal investigator who, like Superman, keeps the peace - between supernatural folk and humans - in begrudging vigilantism.
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WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS
Release: Sep 10 - Review: 27 Dec 11
Freakonomics and Con-sumerism.
Oliver Stone's sequel to that pimping film is just as confusing and hedonistic, with its insider knowledge and corporate thuggery, but set very much in the present of the 2008 economic meltdown.
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THE 99 PERCENT
Release: Dec 11 - Review: 25 Dec 11
When Lambs Become Lions.
...the humble beginnings and audacious flowering of the movement that is blowback for decades of corporate capitalist greed - Occupy Wall Street...
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VAN HELSING
Release: May 04 - Review: 30 Apr 12
It was a Monster Mash!
VAN HELSING is
an old-fashioned monster tale with new-fashioned sex symbology. This ain't your daddy's Van Helsing.
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MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2
Release: May 00 - Review: 6 Apr 12
Highway to the Ambivalent Zone.
John Woo does to the franchise what Joel Schumacher did to Tim Burton's BATMAN franchise - gay it up.
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SHE FREAK
Release: May 67 - Review: 2 Apr 12
A Grotesquerie - and not because of the freaks.
...only interesting aspect of this garbage dump of a film, that gives it any excuse for existence, is that it is an attempt to remake Tod Browning's disturbing 1932 paean, FREAKS.
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X-MEN
Release: Jul 00 - Review: 27 Mar 12
Mutation Elation.
It doesn't quite outline the first generation of Professor Xavier's "X-Men" but it comes close enough to raise the hairs on our bushy berserker sideburns.
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STRANGE WILDERNESS
Release: Feb 08 - Review: 7 Mar 12
Wild(ly retarded) Kingdom.
...execrable direction (by Fred Wolf), callous editing (Tim Costain), juvenile writing (Wolf and Peter Gaulke) and acting so directionless and amateurish Hayden Christensen called and threatened legal action.
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NOWHERE BOY
Release: Dec 09 - Review: 28 Feb 12
I Am The Baby Seal Jesus.
John Lennon's high school principal tells him, "You're going nowhere, son." At that point, you're meant to slap yourself on the knee and exclaim "Hah! Little did he know!"
Do you feel dirty yet?
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RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II
Release: May 85 - Review: 20 Feb 12
Blood and Thunder or Thud and blunder?
...the improbably named and impossibly bland sequel to the solid FIRST BLOOD.
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THE DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION PART II: THE METAL YEARS
Release: Aug 89 - Review: 30 Jan 12
The Rise of Aquanetted Civilization: The Ladyboy Years.
Director Penelope Spheeris turns up the volume in her definitive chronicle of the hedonistic 1980's Southern Californian rock scene.
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SEMI-PRO
Release: Feb 08 - Review: 28 Dec 11
SEMI-PRO is Mostly Amateur.
Will Ferrell shoots for another absurdist hoop and misses.
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FOUR CHRISTMASES
Release: Sep 08 - Review: 20 Dec 11
Four times the noxious.
...if this were a wonders-of-christmas movie, it would be bilious enough, but FOUR CHRISTMASES combines the nausea of a christmas movie with the gut-belching dementia of a marriage-is-awesome movie.
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Halloo Fans!
For full list of movies, check the Alpha Archives:
For full list of movies in order of review, visit the scary chronological
list.
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COMING
SOON to Poffy's Movie Mania...
A
list to remind me to finish those sketchy reviews gathering angel dust in my drawers... |
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Reviews in Progress: You can click on the pics to see the unfinished/rough writings that are surfing their way to their spot on this website even as you ogle them...don't expect them to be readable, or even to make any sense - they're just scribblings. Some are so unfinished they're not even posted here... d'oh! But you can see their pretty posters... ah, promises, promises.... hope was the greatest evil in Pandora's Jar.... |
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